Alive

I am still alive.

That is all I am aware of this evening.

I have survived my first week of teaching, and I I feel as if a war has just ended, or a treadmill somewhere underneath my hurting feet has just paused.

It will all begin again on Monday, but it will never be as raw as this! My first week of teaching: little sleep, long days, eating bites here and there, utterly deprived of tea breaks. But I stood in front of groups of students, and I instructed them, and somehow, they looked up to me as the one who knew more than them. I was shocked to find out that I actually DO know more than them in many areas. I had been very afraid that I wouldn’t. Funny how a degree comes in handy like that.

My little baby twelve year-olds fall into line when I move my hand. They read their books quietly and our biggest troubles are whisperers and turning around in their seats. A minor disaster occurred at lunch when a thirteen year old hopeful said hello to one of my babies and she burst into floods of tears. Apparently he looked like he was going to “fight her a little bit.” My dear, sweet year sevens.

And then there are my year elevens, these almost adults, though not quite yet, so very determined not to be governed by another. And it’s funny how group dynamics work, because one group were eating out of my hand after a smile and realising that I didn’t mind going at their pace, which was daisy-picking speed. And the other group, well I never did quite get around them. I have the year to do it.

I am alive. The cogs and wheels of my mind are still turning, if groggily, and tomorrow morning I will get up and plan for another week in this home they call school. Even when I was hurting in muscles that have never hurt before, like the one at the nape of my neck that holds my head on, I was never more sure that this is what I want to do forever. Hah! Let’s see what I say next Friday!!!

Anyway, just thought I would let you all know: I am still alive. I will be repeating this mantra to myself in honest disbelief for several more hours. God is good 😀

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